WHAT MANNER OF FATHER ARE YOU?

By Kayode Ogunjobi

Happy Father’s Day to every man who has stepped into the sacred calling of fatherhood with courage, with tenderness, with flaws, with strength, and with a love that is sometimes loud, sometimes silent, but always present in its own way.

But before we go further, it is worth asking: Who is a father?

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A father is more than the man who brings a child into the world. A father is a foundation. A compass. A covering. A steady hand in the storm. A father is the man who stays when staying is hard, who gives when giving costs him something, who stands even when his knees tremble under the weight of responsibility. A father is the man who teaches without speaking, who leads without shouting, who loves without demanding applause. A father is a builder of destinies, a guardian of dreams, a silent warrior fighting battles his family may never know about.

And yet, fathers come in different shades, shaped by their journeys, their wounds, their victories, and their choices.

There is the present father, whose presence is a gift, whose laughter fills the home, whose guidance steadies young feet.
There is the provider father, who may not say “I love you” often, but whose love is written in school fees paid, meals provided, and burdens carried.
There is the absent father, whose silence leaves echoes, whose distance creates questions that linger in the hearts of children.
There is the authoritarian father, firm to a fault, loving but unable to express it in ways that heal.
There is the wounded father, trying to give what he never received, battling shadows from his own childhood.
And there is the transforming father, the man who is learning, unlearning, growing, healing, and choosing to be better than yesterday.

To every father reading this today — congratulations.
Not because you are perfect, but because you are trying.
Not because you have all the answers, but because you show up even when you feel empty.

Not because you do not have pains but because you prioritise your family.
Not because you never fall, but because you rise again for the sake of those who call you “Daddy.”

But in the spirit of this celebration, let this day also be a gentle mirror.
A moment to ask yourself:
What manner of father am I?
What manner of father am I becoming?

If you are present, remain steadfast.
If you are distant, come closer.
If you are harsh, soften your tone.
If you are wounded, seek healing.
If you are tired, rest.
If you are drifting, find your way home.

And as you reflect, remember this truth: your health is part of your fatherhood.
Too many fathers are dying young.
Too many men are collapsing under the weight of silent battles.
Too many homes are burying their pillars because the pillar refused to rest.

Dear fathers, do not threaten your health.
Do not ignore the whispers of your body.
Do not labour endlessly only to build for another man to inherit.
Do not work yourself into an early grave so another man will eat the fruit of your sweat.

Your family needs you — alive, healthy, present, whole. It is only a living father that can provide.
Check your blood pressure.
Do your medical tests.
Sleep.
Eat well.
Take breaks.
Say no when necessary. In fact, I stumbled across a book recently emphasising developing an intentional NO. Deliberately learn to say NO to demands!
Rest without guilt.

See and pretend that you did not see as not every issue deserve your attention or comment both at home and everywhere.
A living father is better than a wealthy memory.
It is a terrible thing for a father to be a vegetable when the children are set to lavish him with love. Therefore, borrow yourself sense.

Today, I celebrate myself.

Today, I celebrate all intentional fathers.
I honour our sacrifices.
I acknowledge our struggles.
I acknowledge our pains.

I acknowledge our frustrations both in situ and ex-situ.

I applaud our victories.
I challenge myself and challenge you to become the best version of ourselves.

Because our children are watching.
The legacy is forming.
Our story is still being written. It does not matter the chapter that we are, we can still re-write the story.

Fathers are the silent architects of society. They are the steady hands that hold families together. They are the unsung heroes whose sacrifices often go unnoticed.

But even heroes need rest. Even pillars need support. Even fathers need fathering.

So today, celebrate yourself but also challenge yourself. Grow. Heal. Love. Live.

Happy Father’s Day.
And once again, dear father — what manner of father are you?

Kayode Ogunjobi is a father, an environmental researcher, public affairs analyst, and passionate advocate for nature conservation. His work reflects a deep commitment to environmental sustainability, ecological safety, and responsible public policy which are values that shape his voice, his reflections, and his dedication to building a healthier world for future generations.