There is an alarming increase in the number of divorces, break-ups and separation. This cuts across different strata such as religion, tribe, economic status or level of education. There have also been reported cases of divorce among religious leaders arising from perceived irredeemable differences.
Recently, a couple celebrated 20 years of marriage with different captions on the social media. However, one caption which caught the attention of ValidViewNetwork was that the wife was still able to adorn her wedding gown to celebrate the 20 years wedding anniversary. However, this initial curiosity led to more revelations which are useful tools that would help couples in marriage.
Journey with us to the world of Pastor (Mrs) Mopelola Arowosafe, the wife of Pastor Adekunle Arowoasfe
VVN : Can we have a brief of your background Ma? How was growing up like and which schools did you attend?
My father is Senator Otunba Kunle Oyero and my mother is Ms Toyin Lawal. I am from a polygamous setting. I lived with my mother and we moved very often. She was a young lady who danced to the rhythm of her age and time. Despite growing up in a dysfunctional setting some things stood out for me. I was not going to other people’s rooms even when I was hungry or lonely. Fortunately, very early in life, I developed a love for God. Even though my mother was not going, I was always following a particular family to CAC Ibudo Iyanu Oke Odo. I went for Sunday service and Friday night vigils. I always waited for them outside their room.
I got exposed to an unprotected life very early but I had a special love from God which made sure I was not damaged.
( Cuts in) Did you suffer any harassment from the opposite sex as a result of the unprotected life?
No. But I saw a lot of young girls in the same condition I was being molested. Maybe I had a special aura that made men not to think of destroying me but protecting me.
VVN : What are your early attributes that you can remember?
I learnt to stay on my own and out of trouble. I learnt to like my own company. I learnt to make my own decision. I also did not have inferiority complex. Later I moved to my father’s house where I was not very comfortable as it appeared that my step mother was not favourably disposed to me. Things were difficult that time not like now that step mothers and daughters relate very well. Fortunately for me my father made the best decision for me by taking me to a boarding school in secondary school. I gave my life to Jesus Christ in JSS 1. With that, I became more courageous and protected and was sure that the plans of the enemy cannot come to fruition in my life.
VVN : Considering your background, how were you able to navigate through the influence of peer group?
It was the grace of God Almighty. I was a very beautiful girl. Everywhere I went I had admirers and toasters. It opened me up for favour. I was self-aware and I had confidence. Negative words from females or anyone didn’t get at me. I was not afraid. Men didn’t have a feeling of crushing or destroying me but to help, keep and preserve me. I am not a have plenty girlfriends’ person. I didn’t indulge in the girls fight, gossip or bickering. In a way I enjoyed growing up most especially my secondary school days.
VVN : Can you tell us the schools you attended please?
I attended several nursery and primary schools depending on where I was with my Mummy. I attended a makaranta (school) when I stayed with my maternal grandfather in Jos Plateau State, Nigeria. I remember carrying my slate, buying broken pieces of wafers tied in nylons and sitting on the floor in the school. I remember attending a public school at Lagos later. I attended St Joseph Nursery and Primary School at idi Mangoro in Lagos. All these ones should be before I was age five. I remember that my main primary school was Ifako International Nursery and Primary School where I was till primary five first term. I think I was in primary two or three when I started going to my father’s house during holiday. It was during one of such visits that they never allowed me to return to my mother. So for just the remaining terms in primary five I went to Command Children School in Ikeja Cantonment. I proceeded to the best secondary school in Nigeria, Abeokuta Grammar School, 1990-1996. Incidentally , my father also finished from Abeokuta Grammar School ditto the founder of my school, Ifako International Nursery and Primary School, Chief B.B Majekodunmi . After my secondary school, I gained admission to Ogun State Polytechnic and was there from 1997- 1999 for my National Diploma. I later got a direct entry to University of Agriculture Abeokuta and was there 1999-2003.
VVN : It has been 20 years of your marriage, can you tell us how you met your spouse?
I first met him in RCCG Possibility Area Headquarters in Osiele, Abeokuta where he was pastoring. I was posted to the church from the Redeemed Christian Bible College for my compulsory training. I was the chaplain of my set, which entitled me to be posted to a big church in town. But the coordinator told me he was posting me to this particular church that is not in town for two reasons. One, there is someone in the particular church who was bearing my surname. Two, the pastor of the church is a seasoned teacher of the word and since I love the word I would enjoy him.
On getting to the church I met this quiet handsome young man. I still can’t explain what kept me from him maybe because I felt the sisters in the church liked him so much, so I did not want to join the cluster. Because from the first day I resumed there, I kept my distance away from him so much that unlike other students that their assessment books were signed by him, I never gave him my students assessment book to sign. I gave it to an elderly man who happened to be a minister in the church and also one of my lecturers at the Bible College.
The last week of my Bible College practical training, I decided to follow them for the December Let’s Go A Fishing in idobi village in Odeda. In the evening they served Eba which I was not a fan of. I don’t know how he knew I did not eat the Eba. The next morning he called me to know why I was not eating, I told him I had loads of food like cereals, biscuits, and drinks in my bag including the fact that I baked cake and brought to the centre for everyone. He asked if I was okay with eating them and I said yes. He then asked if I liked fruits I told him yes that they were my favorite. So, he called me later and gave me a big basket of fruits. Funny enough, he was not ashamed to put it in the classroom where he and other pastors including his boss were staying.
That brought us talking for the first time after about three months of training. My first conversation with him must have put him off balance because I told him that I could not marry a pastor and I pitied those that married pastors. He asked me why and I told him my ambition was to be a first lady.
Cuts in : Why did you not want to marry a Pastor?
Up till today I still don’t know and thing about me is the fact that people called me pastor Mrs even when I was not dating one.
He later borrowed a book I was reading. I left the book with him and never gave him my house address. I left the village the following day.
About six months after I left the village. I just saw him with one of my Bible College colleagues at my house. My surprise is better imagined. The said brother went to his house to visit him and told him that he was going to visit his chaplain. He came to my house that first time and he never stopped coming till I eventually ended up being his wife.
VVN : Why and how did you settle down with your man among others ?
He is very gentle, very caring, a genuine child of God and respectful.
VVN : How did he propose to you and how did you feel?
He has been my friend for a long time, he knew I did not want to marry a Pastor. That gave him a lot of headache, which later added to him falling sick. On his sick bed he wrote my name in a paper. After the drama he came and told me he loves me and wants to marry. I simply agreed because I have falling in love and God had also spoken to me. He gave me a ring after I introduced him to my family.
VVN: What is your opinion about current trend about people proposing on the road , anywhere and anyhow
If they love themselves, if they are sure God is leading them, and it’s an idea they like why not. Unfortunately most times it’s just a shallow event. I know so many of them that broke the engagement even after the public show.
VVN : What informed the choice of Valentine day for your wedding?
Funny enough we did not set out to choose the date. The date was circumstantial. His elder brother said the first date he chose which was in November or December was not convenient for him. So we just checked the date with the church and it was free. It did not ring until on the engagement day when my friends said they were doing valentine with me instead of their fiance and fiancee.
VVN : Did you enjoy maximum support from your family?
My father liked him from the day he saw him. My step siblings also liked him but my father’s eldest son asked him why he was not married at 38, why he does not have a car nor built his own personal house. He asked if he was sure he was not marrying me because of my father’s money. Aside this, everyone liked him probably because of his respectful nature.
VVN : 20 years after and you were still able to put on your wedding gown. You tagged it intentional living. How were you able to achieve that?.
I was very fat during my childbearing years. One day we had a medical outreach in church, I checked my blood sugar and it was 85 which was okay but I just thought and jokingly told the doctor that to tip to 100 was close he laughed but because I operate divine healing, I didn’t want to start using drugs I just decided I was going to slim down. So, the fear of drugs made me slim down as against complain from anyone including my husband, who actually saw nothing wrong with my stature. I can be strong willed. That was how I started changing some of my habits, diet, and life style modification including stopping to eat with my husband. I discovered he was always leaving food for me because of cultural belief of being older and a sign that he was caring.
VVN : You appear to be more vocal , how do you manage with your husband who appears to be reserved.?
Yes, I am an extrovert, he is an introvert. We have learnt early to use the strength of our individual temperament for the benefit of the home. For example I don’t force him to contribute or talk on issues more than he would love to even when I would have liked him to say more. And sometimes when there are issues to be responded to involving outsiders, he would ask me to respond to them. Although sometimes he still feels I talk too much while l feel he is not talking enough. But we have learnt to manage well.
VVN : How does it look like to be married to a Pastor and what are your words for ladies?
Some ladies actually love to be married to a Pastor while I don’t fully know the reason(s) behind this. I can only guess that some of them feel that Pastors are saints from heaven. A couple had issues in their marriage, and they were referred to me. This brother was a Pastor in the school fellowship back in their university days and just for this reason she married him. When life threw them its challenges she could not cope, she also felt disappointed that her Pastor husband could not do a miracle to change the situation. So, she said divorce was the solution.
For me I never liked nor imagined I could ever be married to a Pastor. I don’t know how I knew they are not super humans but grace stands them out. So, our courtship was not a Pastor member relationship but a Kunle and Mope relationship. I made sure he came down to my level as a lover. In church he was my Pastor but at home my husband. He could undress, unveil and be human.
Most Pastors don’t enjoy their marriages and fall into adultery because the wife erroneously placed them in the position only God or angels could live successfully.
VVN : You are a relationship coach, how did you catch the rhema?
I was doing what I knew was good for my marriage because the Holy Spirit taught me and because 99% of the books I read were on either romance, relationship, marriage, detective, life issues or thrilogy. I just discovered that from the year I married people were inviting me to come and speak with their teenagers, youths and married couples. I think my grace spoke out for me. The gift of a man will make way for him, I think that’s my case.
VVN : Romance books? Is it good for a Christian woman to read romance books or watch romance movies?
For me throwing the baby away with the bath water is not an option. So you could read and sift or glean from it. Do you also know we have lots of christian authors writing christian romance now. One of my favorites is Karen Kingsbury.
VVN : You are also an author, what inspired your first book and when?
I had always had the dream of writing a book someday. Prior to my tenth wedding anniversary I met two people at different times. One saw WHY I should write a book after reading some of my messages and the other one could show me HOW to go about doing it. It took years but all of a sudden without pre planning it, it was nearing completion towards my tenth wedding anniversary, so I set the date as a target and it became a reality to celebrate my anniversary.
VVN : Did any member of your family or friend express reservations about you getting married to a Pastor?
None at all. I think people generally revered men of God.
VVN : What are the ingredients that have sustained the sweetness of your marriage?
I have the good and beautiful fantasies of how a good home should look like and naturally I just draw my husband and the children into my world and boom it’s a reality. Both of us are malleable. He allows me to be who I want to be. We both love God and are heaven conscious. I live each day one step at a time. I don’t like drama that disturbs my peace. We both don’t have close friends that we can’t do without. I am not covetous. I believe that life is a process, it has times and seasons. I have a good attitude towards life. Whatever I believe, I stand with and run with. I am very optimistic about life.
VVN : Can you remember one or two exceptional moments in the marriage?
Having our children, moving to our own house just about five years after marriage even with both of us not having a steady income. Another moment that stood out for me was a land beside our house that we desired to buy, we gave the owner part payment with a promise to pay the balance within two weeks which they agreed to. Three days after our agreement they got a better buyer and returned our money. It pained us. Few months after we bought the one directly behind our house. The one beside us was bought, and construction started. Five years after it was completed, tenants had started occupying the house. Then the owner decided to sell. This time around we paid the money to buy a whole furnished building at once. It stood out for us that what God could not do does not exist.
VVN : How will you describe the increasing rate of divorce today even among Christians?
A lot had insincere courtship. So many know nothing but hide their ignorance in being involved in spiritual gymnastics and hypocrisy. So many don’t know they have a part to play even if they heard God and he led them into the relationship. Some were also not led into the relationship. A lot did not set their priorities right. Some don’t know what they want. So many others think that because you go to church, good marriage just happens without being intentional. And some appropriate too much power to the devil, they think he is always journeying with them, so they are powerless in dealing with their Adamic nature . So many are going to heaven by professing and not by being intentional, conscious and determined.
VVN : You are a Marriage Counsellor, can you give us the summary of your experience.
There are too many unknowledgeable, unmalleable, arrogant people that never draw a connection between where they are coming from (the past), what they are doing now (the present) and what the result could be (the future). They know nothing about the power in them to change a narrative nor think about legacies.
VVN : What is the model of money management principle that you practice and what will you recommend?
In our home every money is everyone’s money. We have individual accounts but every money is everyone’s money. We have company account but every money is everyone’s money. We spend individually but every money is everyone’s money. I am a more disciplined saver, so he knows that there are e some money I keep that the answer to spending them is we don’t have money until we have no alternative.
VVN : Down memory lane, has there been any time that you had a low spirit?
You know for reasons you know in part or you know nothing about, life just throws you a blow or blows. The time I had a threatened abortion on a Sunday after service while staying in church and waiting for an evening service that would be handled by my husband which he was also fasting for. In order not to disturb the program I prayed and kept mum. We got home around 8:30pm I did not tell him because he was just about to break his fast. On Monday morning around 9am, I had a partial miscarriage. I had to be taken to the hospital for evacuation.
The second was Sunday February 25, 2018 when my 14yrs old first born and son slept in the Lord. It was a very painful blow but the Lord comforted me and I was comforted.
You will continually be comforted in Jesus Mighty Name
VVN : Who is your mentor in marriage?
Sincerely my mentor in marriage is the Holy Spirit and the novels I read.
VVN : You are an ordained Pastor and wife of a Senior Pastor, what do you think may be responsible for divorce even among Pastors across denominations. Can you relate an experience you had in the course of counseling ?
Spiritualizing physical things. Too much hyping of the power and infallibility of a pastor. Some even believe that the Holy Spirit in the life of a Pastor is not the same with that of church members. The wife believes the husband knows everything. Pastors leave the spiritual life of their wives unattended to. The wife grows bitter because of the attention the man of God gets from those that will make him fall. While the man of God grows bitter about the wife thinking she does not want him to succeed in the ministry. Most men of God think and believe the ministry is more important than their marriage and home.
Some years ago a man of God got a job in another state different from where his family is resident. Initially, he was coming home every weekend but after a while it turned to a fortnight. The wife could not communicate her fears because that was an abomination to confront a Pastor with. The woman on her part refused to step up her games before the real adultery started when he started complaining about her looks and her dressing etc. Straight from the bed of adultery to the pulpit he did. He divorced the wife, remarried and continued in the ministry. Later he suffered terribly, lost everything, got restored and the marriage was also restored.
VVN: What are your words of encouragement for intending couples?
Be really prepared for marriage, spiritually, mentally, emotionally before you go into it. A good marriage is a marriage between two people who have no alternative to each other.
Hallelujah to God in highest!