PORTRAIT OF A NARCISSIST – Lanre Ogundipe

Nobody can be kinder than the narcissist while you react to life in his own terms – Elizabeth Bowen

We have reached a stage where Nigerians should be really interested in the character and predilection of their leadership. In matured climes, political suitors are dissected before elected. Time has come to render out of vogue, the unhealthy practice of pre-election endorsement before dissection of the character, mental status and psycho-composition of prospective leadership. A school of thought canvassing for the conduct of psychiatrist examination – you may call it evaluation – on whoever presents himself to lead the country implies that such must have been certified as medically, mentally and emotionally fit to rule, by competent medical experts before being ushered into leadership seat in Nigeria. The call seems like a joke. But with happenings on our political landscape, it is unarguable, that many of those in leadership may not have scaled through a personality evaluation test, if so administered. It is saddening that many psychopaths have thrown themselves on us to rule while their mental state of health is questionable. The responsibility and demands of public offices in a complex ecosystem such as ours, are too heavy to be entrusted to misfits who gladiate in managing our commonwealth like a personal estate and making choices that are inimical to the collective interests of the larger society. It is a costly and sometimes irreversible venture laden with far reaching consequences. The delicate task of governing a downtrodden people and securing the well-being of an already abused and battered nation cannot be assigned to a leadership that is not mentally stable or psychologically balanced to administer , without corrosive impact on the morale, morals and developmental policy the nation.

Endorsement, election or selection we have done repeatedly without proper medical clearance to show that these leaders are competently ready and prepared for the assignment they strongly clamour for.

In the past few months, I have devoted ample time to ponder on this suggestion of incorporating into our electoral laws, mental health examination of our leaders, to inject sanity into the processes of electing our leaders. Our experience in the nearly three decades of democratic governance has shown that the emergence of the bulk of our leaders are not just happenstance, but a product of a systemic malaise and a compromised electorate, fostered on the general populace, who would later lament their misfortune of being bestowed bad leaders. Rather than to acknowledge their collective failure to interrogate the characters of the supposed leaders and do a thorough analytical study of the situation – that had produced the mostly deficient crop of leadership- Nigerians have continued to curse their stars. The continuous reinforcement of this deficiency, leaves no one in doubt that except a pragmatic detour occurs, our lamentation will continue without end. Therefore, the time is ripe to critically appraise the process of electing our leaders in order to change the narrative. And the time is now! What makes it more compelling is that nearly all our leaders feature Narcissists’ tendencies. Unfortunately, we have assisted to sustain the misnomer, by hero-worshipping them and thus regale them as gods.

Our complacency also presents us as weaklings that cannot resist attempts by these leaders to deny us of our rights. Our lukewarmness without any form of resistance to the excruciating pains inflicted on citizens, over the years make these narcissist leaders feel they’ve conquered.

What we have in place are semblance of doctrinal governance meant to brain wash people and set them on for further enslavement through institutionalized narcissism by self-adulation and underserved admiration of unethical practices.

Now with this narration, let’s dissect the word – narcissism or narcissist. Going by dictionary definition, Narcissism is described as “mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance.” A narcissist needs and seeks too much attention and wants people to admire him. A narcissist is a person who practices narcissistic actions. With this, it suggests that the leadership is selfish and self-centered. The mantra of service they proclaim is aimed at beclouding our senses of reasoning and prevent us from knowing or understanding the political games being played on our collective intelligence. The traits are the hallmark of narcissism as a grandiose sense of self-importance.

The claims exhibited by our leaders point to enslavement of the entire citizenry. With the behaviours they put up, these leadership belief in exaggerated achievements, demanding admiration and leaving others feeling invalidated and insignificant are symbolic exhibitions of a narcissist tendencies. The outright deceit on the entire populace by exaggeration of of their abilities in several areas, making it hard for people around them to trust that they are being honest, begs the question of sincere leadership. Overstating their qualifications and high sense of self-importance often lead to the narcissist minimizing the achievements of others and damaging their self-esteem. Although, the current situation in the country has generated questions that require answers from these leaders but in their usual Maradona style, would respond cunningly, simply to fit into the classification of narcissistic evaluation- a little more sacrifice and push is required from the masses to get us to the eldorado stage. Naturally, that douses the tension.

For instance, Olusegun Obasanjo is famous for his characteristic display of superiority and no – holds – bar views on any issue, and concomitant relegation of others. These, he often exhibited when he speaks. Buhari’s megomaniac behaviour and ethnicity games and the audacity of his aides left no one in doubt that he was in his full elements – and not absent – minded – while his abrasive policies and actions were implemented by his government!

As we all know, the dark side to narcissism is the unwavering self-confidence that is as brittle as an eggshell. Narcissists have traits of not going back and forth on a continuum of self-examination or re-evaluation as the rest of us do. Instead, they run on full speed until something breaks that protective shell of self-importance hard enough to scatter into shreds. Then, they fall and crash into pieces. Under that fragile, brittle cover lies a hidden pool of insecurity and pain. Deep down, the narcissists deepest and most powerful fear – that he is a nothing, but a void; and when left unchallenged, a narcissist becomes more and more brutal in the enterprise and nobody can stand his way without being crushed.

With his brash, self-centered ways, the narcissist would hurt the people around him physically and emotionally, and often. His deepest fear in life, is of being exposed as a nothing. This reinforces the tenacity to protect his own fragile shell above all else, even if it sometimes emotionally harms the people, he loves the most. Their need to be special or their own personal version of uniqueness is so great that the need to feed it with accolades, acknowledgment become requisite while every other thing is secondary.

With the trait’s spreadsheet, narcissist becomes dangerous to tame. Over the years, we have assisted these set of people to nurture the dangerous stem of the narcissist to become worse as we feed his ego, and protect the inflated sense of self and thus make him desperate in his drive to violate others boundaries.

A narcissist lacks empathy for others. This makes him incapable of seeing when he hurts others. His belief that he is so special can make it easy for him to rationalize his actions.

Further analytical study revealed that most narcissists do not pose any real danger to people around them (except perhaps emotionally). The risk comes from the ingredients narcissist feeds his uniqueness on – such as unwavering admiration from others which leaves little room for genuine connections or meaningful relationships. Genuine connections require honesty, communication, and negotiations when conflicts arise in the relationship.

Narcissists often view any form of criticism as a personal attack, further damaging those around them and forcing them to feel as if they are allowing the perceived loyalists to erase his claim of superiority hence the incessant need for validation. That in itself can lead to a toxic dynamic – where individuals feel obligated to cater to the narcissist’s ego at their own mental health expense. This means that it gets very exhausting emotionally to try to maintain a healthy relationship.

Understanding these traits of a narcissist is essential for us as citizens to recognize and navigate interactions with individuals who exhibit any of these characters and stop them by any necessary means to get into the leadership seat. These deficiencies throw up vagaries of behaviours and attitudes that have profound negative effects on development and social dynamics. From an overbearing sense of self-importance to a lack of empathy, these traits often manifest in various ways impacting both the narcissist and those around them.

By familiarizing ourselves with these traits, we can better understand the motivations and behaviors of narcissists thereby empowering ourselves to establish healthier boundaries and cultivate more fulfilling relationships. Some common traits associated with narcissism, shedding light on this complex and often challenging subject indicates exhaust relationships, leaving partners, friends, and family members feeling drained and unappreciated.

Narcissists indulge in fantasies of limitless success, power, and admiration. These fantasies, while seemingly harmless, often manifest in manipulative behaviours aimed at fulfilling their delusion of grandeur. The inability to distinguish between fantasy and reality can lead to a distorted perception of the issues, and it further exacerbate their tendencies. Projecting their delusional fantasies often means they end up dragging those that are close to them into their schemes as well. This can lead to tension and conflict between the narcissist and others as they truly don’t see the world the way the narcissist does.

The narcissist’s belief in their own superiority breeds a sense of exclusivity, alienating them from those they deem unworthy of their attention. This exclusivity not only isolates the narcissist but leaves others feeling rejected and insignificant as well. They likely force their way into social groups or relationships with others they see as “special” leading to discomfort from others due to lack of respect for boundaries. The constant pursuit of status and validation perpetuate a cycle of insecurity and discontent, further deteriorating mental well-being.

Another key trait of narcissists is how they often harbour feelings of envy towards others. Perceiving any success or recognition by others is seen as a threat to their own sense of superiority. This envy leads to toxic competitiveness and resentment towards those perceived as rivals. Similarly, narcissists may inadvertently project their own envy onto others, further fueling mistrust and discord within relationships. If they see others as envious of them, the resultant effect is to get defensive and push people away.

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Arrogance and haughtiness are common features of a narcissist. Stemming from their bloated ego of self-importance and alienation of those around them, leaving individuals feeling belittled and undermined. The constant need to assert dominance and superiority create an environment of tension, unhealthy competition, and hostility. This further engenders deteriorating mental well-being.

In conclusion, as the rat-race for 2027 election year is now underway, we should not stop at clamouring for exhaustive electoral reforms, but the reforms must include a paradigm shift disallowing anyone with no clean bill on mental health to contest future elections in Nigeria. Whoever must be on the leadership seat must procure a psychiatrist certificate attesting to his sound mind and a validation of sound morals and emotional hormonal balance.

©️ Lanre Ogundipe
Public Affairs Analyst:
Former President Nigeria and African Union of Journalists writes from Abuja.
January 8, 2025.