……..ONLY IN NIGERIA – Lanre Ogundipe

Writing this piece reminds me of my time as a distinguished member of the 2014 National Conference as a representative of my constituency – Nigeria Union of Journalists. In one of my quiet moments, l was brooding over the state of the nation and the darkness that has enveloped her like a haze. A rushing brain-waves swirled up in the air and the flashing memory of the humourous session of the confab. I dashed for my handset to dial a call to my friend and colleague who served in the confab as an Assistant Secretary, Media and Communications, Akpandem James. He authored a book to document the proceedings of the conference titled “The National Conversation.” l asked him to refresh my memory on the name of the person who raised the discussion on the topic “it’s only in Nigeria…. ” He roared at me “didn’t I tell you to get a copy of my book? – that would have been an easy reference rather wasting my time to discuss this, Otunba, he retorted.

He calls me Otunba even though he knew I don’t like being addressed with titles. Just simply Lanre. He mentioned Distinguished Chief Asari Asari. It was this prompting that reminded me that I have the book in my Library. I dashed into my library to search for the book and as I pulled it out of the shelves, and began to flip through, there I saw the sub – heading titled, the humorous section of the conference on pages 247-260,.

In my discourse on current situations in the country, I also felt that though we as a nation are confronted with piles of problems, but there’s something unique about the way Nigerians are wired – I mean our resilience is super ordinary and this has forced many foreigners to wonder and ask what manner of creatures God made Nigerians?

It would be recalled that in 2003, Nigeria topped the list of the global survey of the happiest nations in the world. That was more than two decades ago. I am inclined to believe, judging from the agonizing cry of many Nigerians in the past few years, that the ranking may not be as favorable as it was, then. The World Happiness Report, a respected global survey, ranks countries based on various parameters of well-being, including economic strength, social support, life expectancy, freedom to make life choices, generosity, and perceptions of corruption.

The report serves as a tool to gauge the happiness and quality of life of populations worldwide. The new rating placed Nigeria as number 102 among other nations of the world.

This year result indicates a sharp decline from the previous years. This shift, no doubt reflects the ongoing challenges and changes within the national development framework. In spite of this, the report this year suggests that happiness levels are influenced by a combination of economic, social, and environmental factors. For Nigeria, these include the state of the economy, the level of social support available to individuals, and the public’s trust in government institutions.

Additionally, the sense of community and shared cultural values play a significant role in shaping the overall happiness of the nation. And this brings me into discussing the peculiarities of our claims on Nigeri­an-ness in the word of Abike Dabiri. I’m sure that the discourse would elicit concerns in some quarters and in government circles towards our complacency to the cliche “patriotism”. This word is often used interchangeably as nationalist to further hide our true identity – in the word of Asari Asari – it’s only in Nigeria that someone would win an election that was adjudged free and fair worldwide and be annulled.

It is only in Nigeria you see criminal walking the streets shoulder high and call those who had served conscientiously thieves. Its only in Nigeria the elementary geography changes from “the farther you go into the desert the thinner the population becomes” into the reverse – that is the father you go, the more the population increases. It’s only in Nigeria a public officer robs with bic-pall pen, turnround to become a politician – presiding over state affairs. It’s in our space and clime governors loot and commit heinous financial crimes and boldly say it’s government money, and its kept in government house and are still revered as ‘Excellencies.’

Nigeria is laced with plentiful of “only in Nigeria…. “Take a look at religious circles – twins are named Praise and Worship. It is here in Nigeria our Men of God says biblical tithing can be graduated and that ten percent is for the starters…. It’s only in Nigeria people withdraw money from an ATM and wait to count the money before leaving the ATM.

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It is only in Nigeria that you blast horns for traffic lights to change from red to green. It is only in Nigeria you find fish inside meat-pie or pepper only inside fish-roll; while pharmacy stores sells puff puff, recharge cards, soft drinks, chin chin, etc.

It is in our clime that vehicles are forced to slow down on the highways for people to cross right underneath pedestrian bridges. It is only in Nigeria whenever power outages is restored, shout of N-E-P-A rents the air. And with a little rain storm the grid collapsed ….its only in Nigeria.

It is only in Nigeria a public officer owns 753 houses, and the sources of funding is located in betrayal of public trust with stealing from the treasury. It is only in our clime legislature earns 28 million naira as salary and a professor take home less than 400k on monthly basis. It is only in Nigeria politicians have no second address (no means of livelihood except politics). It is only in Nigeria, teachers reward is in heaven, its only here our hospitals are mere dispensary centres. Its only in our space a learned Lawyer is handcuffed like a common criminal and someone who stole billions, using tax payers’ money to pay the school fees of his children in foreign currency, walk majestically into courtroom – its only in Nigeria.

It’s only in Nigeria, thieves, thugs and criminals are celebrated heroes. Only in Nigeria, Imperial Majesty reigns with no history of an early Empire.

Our nenumero hero, added a ridiculous bent to humour on the political plane, when he references an elected governor as Eleyi (this one). It’s only in Nigeria that political office is earned by “it’s my turn” – Emilokan.

It is only in Nigeria that people can be “suffering and smiling” apology to the Afrobeat King, late Fela Anikulapo Kuti.

With this submission, the claim that we are on the fringes in the current global rating of happiest nations, is true and its as a result of the downward trend of our economy and all the ills it evokes. Very resilient as we are, things can be straightened up if our leaders are jolted from their non-challance and embrace the serious obligation that their offices demand of them.

Nigeria needs visionary and passionate leaders, driven by love for the country above selfish interest. Leaders who could bring smiles back on our faces.

Lanre Ogundipe
Public Affairs Analyst,
Former President Nigeria/ African Union of Journalists